WHAT SHOULD I DO IF CONTACT IS STOPPED?
TRY TO REMAIN CALM:
DO NOT BECOME AGGRESSIVE, PHYSICALLY, VERBALLY OR VIA ANY SOCIAL MEDIA, TEXT MESSAGES OR TELEPHONE. THIS WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU. INSTEAD, TRY SOME OF THE STRATEGIES LISTED BELOW.
SUPPORT NETWORK:
ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS FOR YOURSELF IS TO HAVE GOOD PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU, PEOPLE YOU CAN TRUST. IT IS IMPORTANT TO OPEN UP AND SHARE YOUR WORRIES. FIND A SUPPORT GROUP OF PEOPLE WHO HAVE BEEN THERE.
DO NOT ENGAGE:
Refuse to engage in any arguments or conflict. This is not about winning, it is about what is best for your children. Think of what your children want and what memories they want to hold. They do not want to grow up bitter.
DO NOT HARASS YOUR EX-PARTNER:
Only contact your ex-partner in regards to your children. If you have no reply, keep a log of this. Do not attend your ex-partner’s premises unless invited. After these situations, parents often have harassment orders put in against them and this can make contact with your children very difficult. Many parents and their children are forced to use Contact Centres, which aren’t pleasant for their children. Protect yourself at all times.
GET A DIARY:
This will be the most useful diary you will ever own. Keep a log of every bit of information which may be useful in the future. Any times your children were refused to see you, or any times you may have suffered abuse yourself etc.
TIME WITH YOUR CHILDREN:
When you do have much contact with your children, tell them how much you love them, how you do want to see them and explain that you are currently sorting things out with mum. Do not speak negatively to them about the other parent and just enjoy your time with them.
KEEPING IN TOUCH:
If your children are old enough to remain in touch via text, phone or video link then continue contact with them this way, as much as possible. Other ways to maintain contact with younger children is through sending cards, letters and little gifts via post, to let them know you are thinking of them.
DON’T GIVE UP:
The last tip and most vital… Do not give up because your children need you. If you are a capable and able father, you will be in your children’s lives.
REMEMBER TO LOOK AFTER YOU:
This will be one of the hardest things you may go through, so remember:
– Keep your mind healthy
– Stay around positive people
– Eat regularly
– Exercise daily
– Continue with your hobbies
– Read positive literature- Your priority is keeping stable and to be strong for your children
CO-PARENTING STRATEGIES
James’ Ark Co-Parenting Strategies for Separated Families:
Open Communication:
• Strategy: Maintain open and honest communication about the child’s well-being, schedules, and important decisions.
• Positive Example: Both parents regularly share updates, school reports, and medical information, ensuring the child receives consistent care.
Consistent Routines:
• Strategy: Establish and stick to consistent routines for the child, including bedtime, meals, and school-related activities.
• Positive Example: Both parents collaborate to create a shared schedule, minimizing disruptions and providing stability for the child.
Flexibility and Adaptability:
• Strategy: Be flexible and willing to adapt to changes, considering each other’s commitments and unexpected circumstances.
• Positive Example: Parents work together to adjust visitation schedules during holidays, accommodating both families’ traditions.
Respectful Communication:
• Strategy: Choose respectful and constructive communication, avoiding blame or negative language.
• Positive Example: Parents address disagreements privately and respectfully, prioritizing the child’s emotional well-being.
Joint Decision-Making:
• Strategy: Collaborate on major decisions related to the child’s education, health, and extracurricular activities.
• Positive Example: Both parents attend parent-teacher meetings and discuss important decisions together to ensure the child’s needs are met.
Negative Example:
• Lack of Communication: One parent consistently withholds information from the other, creating tension and confusion for the child.
• Inconsistent Schedules: Constant changes to visitation schedules without proper communication, leading to disruption in the child’s routine.
• Unresolved Conflicts: Frequent arguments between parents during exchanges, creating a hostile environment for the child.
Positive Example:
• Coordinated Efforts: Parents use shared online calendars or co-parenting apps to coordinate schedules and stay informed about the child’s activities.
• Unified Front: Both parents attend school events or extracurricular activities together, presenting a united and supportive front for the child.
• Conflict Resolution: Disagreements are addressed through mediation or counselling, prioritizing the child’s emotional stability.
By implementing these strategies and learning from positive examples, separated families can foster a healthier co-parenting dynamic, promoting the well-being of their children.
James’ Ark Child Friendly Handover Tips for Separated Families:
Neutral Grounds: Choose a neutral and comfortable location for handovers, ensuring both parents feel at ease. This could be a park, a community center, or any place that doesn’t carry emotional baggage.
Consistency: Establish a consistent schedule for handovers to create a sense of stability for the child. Predictability helps ease anxiety and ensures a smoother transition.
Brief and Positive: Keep handovers brief and positive. Focus on the child’s well-being, exchange necessary information, and avoid discussing personal matters or conflicts during this time.
Communication: Maintain open and respectful communication. Share essential details about the child’s routine, activities, and any recent developments. This helps both parents stay involved and informed.
Use a Communication Book: Consider using a shared communication book. Both parents can jot down important notes, updates, or special moments related to the child. It provides a shared platform for exchanging information.
Be Punctual: Respect each other’s time and be punctual for handovers. This demonstrates consideration for the other parent’s schedule and reinforces reliability.
Transition Item: Allow the child to bring a transitional item, like a favorite toy or blanket, during handovers. This provides comfort and familiarity during the transition between homes.
Stay Calm and Composed: Keep emotions in check during handovers. Maintain a calm and composed demeanor, fostering a positive environment for the child.
Ensure Safety: Prioritize the child’s safety by choosing well-lit and secure handover locations. Safety should always be a top priority.
Flexibility: Be flexible and understanding about occasional changes in handover arrangements. Life can be unpredictable, and a cooperative attitude helps in adapting to unforeseen circumstances.
Remember, the goal is to prioritize the child’s well-being and create a supportive environment during these transitions.
James’ Ark offers comprehensive support for separated families during handovers, recognizing the unique challenges they may face. Our tailored services aim to ensure the well-being of both parents and, most importantly, the child involved.
Supervised Handovers: In cases where conflict is high or safety concerns exist, James’ Ark provides supervised handovers. This ensures a neutral and controlled environment, prioritizing the safety and emotional welfare of all parties involved.
Co-Parenting Support: We understand that positive co-parenting is crucial for successful handovers. James’ Ark offers specialized support to help parents navigate co-parenting challenges, facilitating open communication and cooperation.
Building Trust: Trust is fundamental for smooth handovers. Our programs focus on rebuilding trust between parents, emphasizing shared responsibilities and the best interests of the child. This step is vital for creating a positive co-parenting atmosphere.
Education and Resources: James’ Ark offers educational resources to help parents understand the importance of healthy handovers. We provide guidance on communication strategies, conflict resolution, and creating a child-focused environment during transitions.
Conflict Resolution Techniques: Managing conflict is key to successful handovers. Our programs teach effective conflict resolution techniques, empowering parents to handle disputes constructively and shield their child from unnecessary stress.
Customized Plans: Recognizing that each family is unique, we develop customized plans to address specific concerns. Whether it’s developing a structured handover schedule or implementing safety measures, our goal is to create a plan that suits the family’s needs.
By offering a range of supportive services, James’ Ark aims to transform handovers into opportunities for positive interactions, minimizing stress for both parents and the child.